Saturday, November 8, 2014

Han Me Software Engineer Hun

Subah office bhagta hun
Han me software engineer hun.
9 se 5 ka kaam karta hun
Han me software engineer hun.
Hardin onsite ka sapna dekhta hun
Han me software engineer hun.
Din bhar computer k samne beith tha hun
Han me software engineer hun.
1000 lines ka code likhta hun
Han me software engineer hun.
Project manager ka gaali suntan hun
Han me software engineer hun.
Manager ka poor jokes sunta hun
Han me software engineer hun.
Raat ko call pe rehta hun
Han me software engineer hun.
Weekends office me kat tha hun
Han me software engineer hun.
Din bhar busy rehta hun
Han me software engineer hun.
Appraisal naam se tane sunta hun
Han me software engineer hun.
Innovation bolke copy paste karta hun
Han me software engineer hun.
System ko dosh deta hun
Han me software engineer hun.

I Quit

I quit because My love is gone.
I quit because I am lost.
I quit because I failed.
I quit because I am ugly.
I quit because the world is corrupted.
I quit because the world is not clean.
I quit because my boss is an ash hole.
I quit because my girlfriend dumped me.
I quit because I have nobody.
I quit because I have cancer.
I quit because I am poor.
I quit because I am abused.
I quit because I am neglected.
I quit because I am hopeless.
I quit because I am depressed.

I have one reason to quit. But I have thousand reasons to live. I won’t quit.

I will live against you.
I will live with you.
I will live for you.

I will live. I will live. I will live.

Dedicated to all of them who died by suicide .

Sunday, March 30, 2014

99 facts about Guys

1. Guys don’t actually look after good-looking girls. They prefer neat and presentable girls.

2. Guys hate flirts.


3. A guy can like you for a minute, and then forget you afterwards.


4. When a guy says he doesn’t understand you, it simply means you’re not thinking the way he is.


5. “Are you doing something?” or “Have you eaten already?” are the first usual questions a guy asks on the phone just to get out from stammering.

6. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

7. When a guy really likes you, he’ll disregard all your bad characteristics.

8. Guys go crazy over a girl’s smile.

9. Guys will do anything just to get the girl’s attention.

10. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend.

11. When guys want to meet your parents. Let them.

12. Guys want to tell you many things but they can’t. And they sure have one habit to gain courage and spirit to tell you many things and it is drinking!

13. Guys cry!!!

14. Don’t provoke the guy to heat up. Believe me. He will.

15. Guys can never dream and hope too much.

16. Guys usually try hard to get the girl who has dumped them, and this makes it harder for them to accept their defeat.

17. When you touch a guy’s heart, there’s no turning back.

18. Giving a guy a hanging message like “You know what? Uh…never mind!” would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking.

19. Guys go crazy when girls touch their hands.

20. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.

21. When a guy makes a prolonged “umm” or makes any excuses when you’re asking him to do you a favor, he’s actually saying that he doesn’t like you and he can’t lay down the card for you.

22. When a girl says “no”, a guy hears it as “try again tomorrow.”

23. You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the message clearly.

24. Guys hate nice boy!

25. Guys love their moms.

26. A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple of roses.

27. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn’t mean that the guy likes her.

28. You can never understand him unless you listen to him.

29. If a guy tells you he loves you once in a lifetime. He does.

30. Beware. Guys can make gossips scatter through half of the face of the earth faster than girls can.

31. Like Eve, girls are guys’ weaknesses.

32. Guys are very open about themselves.

33. Its good to test a guy first before you believe him. But don’t let him wait that long.

34. No guy is bad when he is courting

35. Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even a small dot.

36. Guys really admire girls that they like even if they’re not that much pretty.

37. Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.

38. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don’t need to give advice.

39. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.

40. A guy finds ways to keep you off from linking with someone else.

41. Guys love girls with brains more than girls in miniskirts.

42. Guys try to find the stuffed toy a girl wants but would unluckily get the wrong one.

43. Guys virtually brag about anything.

44. Guys cannot keep secrets that girls tell them.

45. Guys think too much.

46. Guys’ fantasies are unlimited.

47. Girls’ height doesn’t really matter to a guy but her weight does!

48. Guys tend to get serious with their relationship and become too possessive. So watch out girls!!!

49. When a girl makes the boy suffer during courtship, it would be hard for him to let go of that girl.

50. It’s not easy for a guy to let go of his girlfriend after they broke up especially when they’ve been together for 3 years or more.

51. You have to tell a guy what you really want before getting involved with that guy.

52. A guy has to experience rejection, because if he’s too-good-never-been-busted
, never been in love and hurt, he won’t be matured and grow up.

53. When an unlikable circumstance comes, guys blame themselves a lot more than girls do. They could even hurt themselves physically.

54. Guys have strong passion to change but have weak will power.

55. Guys are tigers in their peer groups but become tamed pussycats with their girlfriends.

56. When a guy pretends to be calm, check if he’s sweating. You’ll probably see that he is nervous.

57. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl. He really is.

58. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he’s just actually saying, “Please come and listen to me”

59. Guys don’t really have final decisions.

60. When a guy loves you, bring out the best in him.

61. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him.

62. If a guy has been kept shut or silent, say something.

63. Guys believe that there’s no such thing as love at first sight, but court the girls anyway and then realize at the end that he is wrong.

64. Guys like femininity not feebleness.

65. Guys don’t like girls who punch harder than they do.

66. A guy may instantly know if the girl likes him but can never be sure unless the girl tells him.

67. A guy would waste his time over video games and basketball, the way a girl would do over her romance novels and make-ups.

68. Guys love girls who can cook or bake.

69. Guys like girls who are like their moms. No kidding!

70. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.

71. A guy’s friend knows everything about him. Use this to your advantage.

72. Don’t be a snob. Guys may easily give up on the first sign of rejection.

73. Don’t be biased. Try loving a guy without prejudice and you’ll be surprised.

74. Girls who bathe in their eau de perfumes do more repelling than attracting guys.

75. Guys are more talkative than girls are especially when the topic is about girls.

76. Guys don’t comprehend the statement “Get lost” too well.

77. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions but still love them more.

78. When a guy gives a crooked or pretentious grin at your jokes, he finds them offending and he just tried to be polite.

79. Guys don’t care about how shiny their shoes are unlike girls.

80. Guys tend to generalize about girls but once they get to know them, they’ll realize they’re wrong.

81. Any guy can handle his problems all by his own. He’s just too stubborn to deal with it.

82. Guys find it so objectionable when a girl swears.

83. Guys’ weakest point is at the knee.

84. When a problem arises, a guy usually keeps himself cool but is already thinking of a way out.

85. When a guy is conscious of his looks, it shows he is not good at fixing things.

86. When a guy looks at you, either he’s amazed of you or he’s criticizing you.

87. When you catch him cheating on you and he asks for a second chance, give it to him. But when you catch him again and he asks for another chance, ignore him.

88. If a guy lets you go, he really loves you.

89. If you have a boyfriend, and your boy best friend always glances at you and it obviously shows that he is jealous whenever you’re with your boyfriend, all I can say is your boy best friend loves you more than your boyfriend does.

90. Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience.

91. You can tell if a guy is really hurt or in pain when he cries in front of you!

92. If a guy suddenly asks you for a date, ask him first why.

93. When a guy says he can’t sleep if he doesn’t hear your voice even just for one night, hang up. He also tells that to another girl. He only flatters you and sometimes makes fun of you.

94. You can truly say that a guy has good intentions if you see him praying sometimes.

95. Guys seek for advice not from a guy but from a girl.

96. Girls are allowed to touch boys’ things. Not their hair!

97. If a guy says you’re beautiful, that guy likes you.

98. Guys hate girls who overreact.

99. Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships.

Sunday, December 22, 2013

The day I missed.................

It's 6:30 PM. I was eagerly waiting. I was mad. I want to get it by any means. Don't worry.It's not the serial "24". and I am not an assassin. I am just a software engineer. I wanted to go Delhi for vacation. My train was at 8:20 PM. My train ticket was not confirmed. My ticket got confirmed at 6:30. I get into a bus at 7:45 to reach railway station. I desperately wanted to be at station in time.The bus is on it's way.Can I make it?I have to go 20 KMs in an hour time . Can I make it? God help me. There was lot of traffic as it was a Friday. The bus was so packed that I had to stand on a single foot . I was at the door. Two beautiful girls were sitting adjacent to the door. The girl in the right was so beautiful that i was staring at her without my knowledge. All of a sudden I heard a voice "Bhaisaab thoda side dijiyega". Then i had to give way to couple of folks to get down. I had two bags with me. I requested the beautiful lady over there to keep my bag below her seat. She was very generous to me and allowed me to keep my bag under her seat. I was staring at her in the name of looking at my luggage. She was very beautiful. She could be a Bengali.. No man she is little dark, could be a southie. Tamil!! Kannad!! I was wondering where she is from. Then she started talking to the other girl beside her. It's Tamil. Oh man she is a Tamilian. What a beauty. I never seen such a beautiful Tamil girl.Wait, is she really a Tamil girl?I Know Tamil,but I am not a Tamilian. But she looks like a tamilian. Tring tring!!! It's my brother." Have you reached station? " He asked." Not yet" I replied. "Where are you?" He asked. I told him where I am. Oh my God It's 8 PM already. Can I reach the station in time . Hurry bus hurry. It was one of the worst ever traffic that day. Can I make it? Go go............ I was shouting in myself. At last I reached. It's 8:15. God is the train there.Please help me out. I was very anxious. A porter approached me and asked " Sir Rajdhani?" I said "yes".He said it's on platform No.8. It will cost you hundred. At any cost please take me there. The porter took my luggage in his shoulder. Both of us ran and we had to cross 7 platforms to  reach platform No 8. To my agony I saw a red light very far. It's the light of the train's last coach. The porter says "Saab train to gaya". I could see the train leaving, still asked the porter "Sach me gaya". So foolish of me as I desperately wanted to be in the train. The porter says' "Hum jhooth kyun bolenge saab. Agar chahiye to jaada kimat maang lete." What to do now?Both of us were taking a deep breathe as we ran across the station. i got a call. I said "I missed the train". It was my brother .I took a deep breathe and asked the porter "Bhaiya ise aglewala station me pakad sakte h?"  He replied "Nai Bhaiyya". Shit I missed the train. It's the first time I missed a train. I don't know whom to blame. Is it IRCTC, who confirmed my ticket so late or the Bangalore traffic or should I blame myself that I should have started early even if my ticket was not confirmed. Whatever I missed my train and had to return disappointed.

Monday, September 16, 2013

An Idea Can Change Your Life

"Gandhi" -a well known and a respected name in every corner of India.How many of us really know about the person? How many of us really understand his philosophy? The name which did wonders. The name which brought us independence. In fact the "SURNAME", which was carried forward without his philosophy and was used in indian politics for past 60+ years.

I often hear from people that,Gandhi brought us independence single handedly. I disagree with them. Actually it's a collective effort. We had many leaders and the people who believed in Gandhi and supported him. But one thing I can say,It's his thinking which made a difference. One single idea can make wonders. That's what he showed to us. His idea of "Ahimsa" and his belief in himself and the people. He was confident on his ideology and his leadership.That made the difference. How many of us believe in our selves and our ideas or thoughts.Do you believe in yourself ? I can give example of myself. Many times I think of doing business, something like a food stall/restaurant. But I couldn't ever try that,because I don't have belief in my idea.Somebody told "Bade aadmi ban ne kliye bade idea ki jarurat hoti h". An idea and belief in it makes you successful. One more example I can give is of Dhirubhai Ambani. Whose thought is now a multi billion empire.So the bottom line is "Aapna soch badlo. Think high.Believe in yourself and your thoughts". So think out of box and do wonders.

Friday, March 8, 2013

When Sandeep meets God...

zzzzzz zzzzzzz.................huggggh ................zzz......zzzzz.........huggggh
Sandeep was in deep sleep.Somebody woke him up.
Sandeep: Bludy hell.Who the hell are you?Why the hell you woke me up you %^*&*&?
Somebody: I am God.
Sandeep: Are you kidding?(rubbing his eyes). Dude...........jokes apart.Tell me who are you? And why are you here and what you want?
God : I am God . I am happy with you . I want to give you whatever you want. Tell me what you want.( Our somebody is actually GOD)
Sandeep : Again ............??
God : OK. If you don't believe, that's fine. But just for my shake think that I am GOD.
Sandeep : Ooookayyyyyyy.........as   you insist, let it be.
God: Tell me what you want?
(Sandeep thinking)
After a long time, Sandeep takes a long breath and says....
Sandeep : Money.
God: Why ?
Sandeep : In today's world money is everything.
God :(After a deep breath) Tell me how much you want.
Sandeep : Let me think.
(Sandeep thinking.........)
If I have money , what all should I do?
First of all I should have a house. In Banglore I need atleast 70 lakhs to get a decent flat.
(Sandeep's soul comes in front of him)
Sandeep's soul : Kaminey.........paise velle mil rahe h. Kuch bada soch  begger  k aulad .Don't you want to have a villa with a  big swimming pool and a lovely garden?
(Sandeep thinks again)
Sandeep : Tu sahi bol raha h yar. Hamara khandan me aajtak kisika khud ka swimming pool nai h. 
God : Whome are you talking to?
Sandeep : Nothing.
(Sandeep thinks again)
To have a villa I should have atleast 5 crores .Then I want to have a car.  I like Scorpio. It was my dream.
(Sandeep looks at his soul and says )
Sandeep : Mercedes...........no no...Audi looks good.No Ferrari.
Sandeep's soul : Abe do char rakhle.
Sandeep : Hmm.....
God : Dude whome are you talking with ?
Sandeep : Arghhhhh......  noone.
(God in confusion)
God : OK. I am going to wash room.By the time I come back complete your calculation and tell me how much you want.
Sandeep : Dude how do you know that I am calculating?
God : Beta, God hun me God........
(God leaves the place. Sandeep starts thinking again.
If I will have a Mercedes, Audi...........I will have all the new models. It will cost me another 3 crore.Total 8 crore. I want to have some investments as well. Let me start a venture. That will cost me atleat 10 crores. That will serve me as my future income. The total counts to 18 crores now. I should have lands here and there which add to my property.Where? Banglore  hmmm.........  Bhubaneswar (Sandeep's home town), hmm.... Delhi 
Sandeep : (Looking at his soul)Capital hena.
Sandeep : Gangtok .(Again looking at his soul)I like it man.Atleast I need 20 crores for that.So total is 38 crores. As I am happy, I should make others also happy. 
Sandeep : What do you say?(Looking at his soul)
Sandeep's soul : OK. As you wish.
Sandeep : I will give some money to my brothers . 5 crores each. That will be 10 crores. So....... total is 38 plus 10 that is 48. I should give to my best friends as well. They were always helping me. Let me give 2 crores each.That will be 4. So total is .............52.  I should have 50 crores in bank.So that I can go for foreign trips with the interest itself. It will also be my safety deposit. So the total comes to 102. let's make it a round figure .So 100 crores.
"Wake up.... wake up......... It's 8 already. Won't you go to office?"
It's Sandeep's mother.
Sandeep fells down from his bed.
Sandeep : (Rubbing his eyes and looking around) Oh God....... it was a dream. 
(He smiles and thinks looking at the fan over him)
How greedy I am. And the worst part is, the world is so costly that I need 100 crores to have a good life.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Human Brain Analysis - Man vs. Woman




1. MULTI-TASKING
Women - Multiple process
Womens brains designed to concentrate multiple task at a time.
Women can Watch a TV and Talk over phone and cook.
Men - Single Process
Mens brains designed to concentrate only one work at a time. Men can not watch TV and talk over the phone at the same time. they stop the TV while Talking. They can either watch TV or talk over the phone or cook.

2. LANGUAGE
Women can easily learn many languages. But can not find solutions to problems. Men can not easily learn languages, they can easily solve problems. That's why in average a 3 years old girl has three times higher vocabulary than a 3 yeard old boy.

3. ANALYTICAL SKILLS
Mens brains has a lot of space for handling the analytical process. They can analyze and find the solution for a process and design a map of a building easily. But If a complex map is viewed by women, they can not understand it. Women can not understand the details of a map easily, For them it is just a dump of lines on a paper.

4. CAR DRIVING.
While driving a car, mans analytical spaces are used in his brain. He can drive a car fastly. If he sees an object at long distance, immediately his brain classifies the object (bus or van or car) direction and speed of the object and he drives accordingly. Where woman take a long time to recognize the object direction/ speed. Mans single process mind stops the audio in the car (if any), then concentrates only on driving.

5. LYING
When men lie to women face to face, they get caught easily. Womans super natural brain observes facial expression 70%, body language 20% and words coming from the mouth 10%. Mens brain does not have this. Women easily lie to men face to face.
So guys, do not lie face to face.

6. PROBLEMS SOLVING
If a man have a lot of problems, his brain clearly classifies the problems and puts them in individual rooms in the brain and then finds the solution one by one. You can see many guys looking at the sky for a long time. If a woman has a lot of problems, her brain can not classify the problems. she wants some one to hear that. After telling everything to a person she goes happily to bed. She does not worry about the problems being solved or not.

7. WHAT THEY WANT
Men want status, success, solutions, big process, etc... But Women want relationship, friends, family, etc...

8. UNHAPPINESS
If women are unhappy with their relations, they can not concentrate on their work. If men are unhappy with their work, they can not concentrate on the relations.

9. SPEECH
Women use indirect language in speech. But Men use direct language.


10. HANDLING EMOTION
Women talk a lot without thinking. Men act a lot without thinking.